Written by Nathan Msomi, an activist and humanitarian

Bonga* burst through the door, dragging Nomsa* by the hair. I jumped up, grabbed him by the collar, and shouted, “What are you doing?’ He let her go and turned on me instead. We were holding each other by the scruff of the neck when I asked, “Are you gonna beat me up too?” That stopped him.  He let go and went after Nomsa, who had run away.  In that moment, I felt proud of myself. I told myself I was that guy – the one who stands up to violence. But I wasn’t. Not really. I stepped in, but from a safe distance. I knew what was happening between Bonga and Nomsa. But on this day, he acted it out in front of me. 

*Names have been changed to protect individuals’ identities.

Complicit masculinity: A quiet engine of gender-based violence

This is the uncomfortable truth about complicit masculinity, the way in which men participate in and perpetuate gender-based violence without laying a hand on someone. Many of us benefit from the subordination of women, even if we personally don’t engage in violence.  These benefits show up in social status, workplace dynamics, and the ability to move through the world without consequence or fear. Complicit masculinities are shaped by the existing politics and power relations that construct gender [1].

Gqola (2021) argues that when “good men” do not take a stand, they normalise the gendered status quo that allows violent behaviour to be perpetuated.  Female fear is both the product and the engine of patriarchal control.  The implied threat of violence keeps women in check, and, too often, men look away or reframe harassment as flirtation or miscommunication. It’s in these moments that complicit masculinities create the conditions in which gender-based violence is trivialised or ignored [2].

This complicity is often reinforced in male peer groups, where harmful behaviours are excused or go unchallenged.. Addressing complicit masculinity requires more than individual interventions; it requires systemic change. In South Africa, Amnesty International estimates that one in four men admits to rape. We need to stop pretending that this is about strangers. These are our friends, our brothers, our colleagues, sometimes it’s even those of us who think that we are ‘good men.’  This means that we need to think deeply about how we transform our society, how we challenge deeply embedded cultural norms, and how we actively dismantle patriarchal power structures [3].

Complicit masculinity, male privilege and resistance

One of the most troubling aspects of complicit masculinity is how it allows male privilege to go unexamined.  Men reap the benefits of patriarchal power. They benefit from the workplace hierarchies, economic inequality and cultural bias, often without pushing back against problematic gender norms, without challenging the uneven distribution of power, or actively working to break down the systems that keep violence intact. Sometimes, it requires grabbing a man by the collar to see how complicit masculinity leads to a path of physical violence [4].

Challenging complicit masculinity requires both structural and individual interventions. Structurally, institutions must undo systems that promote male privilege and protect perpetrators of violence. This requires comprehensive education on gender, violence, consent and survivor support.   At an individual level, men must engage in introspection and recognise how they benefit from and contribute to patriarchal systems. We should have the courage to reflect on how our personal attitudes and actions may perpetuate sexism and violence. To begin to challenge gender-based violence and see how men are complicit, we must first understand that violence against women is also ‘our’ issue, involving all men, from all backgrounds [5].

Empathy, having an open mind, and a willingness to listen are essential. This means learning from survivors as well as working with preparators in restorative ways, where possible. All men need to learn about gender inequality and the root causes of violence. For us to unlearn complicit masculinity, we should actively challenge harmful stereotypes, interrupt sexist behaviours, and amplify marginalised voices, even when it’s the voice of our best friend’s girlfriend. We must speak out against abusive behaviour and support those affected. Initially, I felt ashamed of holding onto my friendship with Bonga after our fight, but when he knocked on my door a few weeks later, gift in hand, and said, “I miss you, Brother,” I saw a different opening and realised he must have been reckoning with his own shame. That moment became an opportunity to help Bonga reframe his behaviour towards women. Together, we reflected on his behaviour and started the work of unlearning his way of treating women. He is still in the process of unlearning. 

References

[1] Connell, R. W. 2001. The Social Organization of Masculinity. (In Whitehead, S. M. & Barrett, F. J. (eds). Masculinities Reader. Cambridge: Blackwell Publishers Ltd. p. 30-46.)  

[2] Gqola, P.D., 2021. Female Fear Factory. Cape Town, South Africa: Melinda Ferguson Books. Pp21

[3] Amnesty International USA. (2009, June 26). One in four men admits to rape in South Africa.

[4] Katz, J., 2019. The macho paradox: Why some men hurt women and how all men can help. Sourcebooks, Inc

[4] Wojnicka, K. (2021). Invisible yet significant: the case of complicit masculinities’ transparency in power. ’NORMA, 16(4), pp. 200–204.

About the author

Nathan Msomi is a humanitarian and activist that served in the South African National Defence Force. His interests lie in masculinities and mental health. Nathan is currently part of the Gender, Religion and Health programme hosted in the School of Religion, Philosophy and Classics at the University of KwaZulu-Natal. He addresses complicit masculinity in this special blog series titled culminating from engagements with the Community of Practice in the SVRI Working Group 1: Evidence Building – Faith and Religion in SGBV Prevention hosted by Dr Rafael C. Cazarin, Dr Sinethemba Makanya, Nobantu Shabangu and Leonardo Andrade. You can connect with Nathan Msomi on LinkedIn.